Madness Monday - "Internet Skills" (And Challenges)

Hello and welcome to Madness Monday; the day of the week where I talk about internet skills and the crazy things people do with them.

Picture was taken from this Rusty Cage video. You might also find you can't stop watching that if you're not careful.

Ever feel like you have too many fingers (or not enough scars)? Maybe you wonder if cinnamon on it's own tastes as good as cinnamon buns? Or maybe you just think that eating stupid things is funny. Whatever it is, it's madness, (and not the sparta kind), so we're gonna talk about it.

If you've spent time on YouTube, it's likely you've fallen trap to the endlessness of clicking suggested video's for a good few hours. If you have, you've probably come across one of the millions of video's about which I'm going to talk about. "Internet Talents" as RayWilliamJohnson called them in this video when he was still the presenter of =3, are skills that people have which, while somewhat impressive, don't have much application anywhere other than the internet.

And boy, are there a lot of them. Rusty Cage largely popularized the "Knife Game", also known as Five Finger Fillet, with this song, and people ever since then have been itching to amputate their limbs accidentally in the name of fun. Then there's the dear fellow The LA Beast, who's been inspiring the masses to eat the most ridiculous things ever for years. Boiled coke sounds horrid.

What on earth inspires these people to do these stupid things in front of a camera and put them on the internet? Other people of course, because no great story started with: "I was home alone when...".

Perhaps even better, are the amazing(ly stupid) challenges that people attempt to conquer for the entertainment of the masses. Our dear friend the LA Beast is ever here for us when he attempts to take on the "Condom Challenge", snorting a "fire and ice" condom and pulling it out from his throat. Delicious... If you wish to see this hero in all his glory perform this amazing act, click here. (I suspect that link will remain mostly untouched for some reason...)

Then there's the cinnamon challenge where people try to eat a spoonful of cinnamon. Mmmmmm, I can just taste the wonderful, powdery goodness now. What kind of person doesn't have a straight spoon of cinnamon every day? (Everyone...) And that's not even the worst. People do all kinds of stupid things, ranging from jumping into frozen lakes to eating Ghost Chili Peppers. (Often rated as one of the hottest chili's in the world.)

Strangely enough, I would ask what on earth posseses people to do these stupid and fairly self-harmful things, but I mostly already know. Same reason I use for anything that seems funny to do. "For fun". (Or "Teh Lulz" if you know the Oddball Dialect)

Maybe we're crazy, or maybe were all just mad. Either way, self-inflicted injuries and dumb ideas are entertaining for some strange reason, so I don't see this stopping any time soon. Teen's think its a fun way to blow time, Darwinists think it's a fun way to blow stupid genes and the bored just think it's fun to watch. (I'm with the last group on this one.)

In any case, I hope that you're feeling a little more sane this Monday after seeing some of the ridiculous things that people do on the internet. If you think there are some more notable, (read: outrageous), challenges or skills that I forget to mention, make sure to let me know in the comments below. Better yet, make sure to share this with any crazy friends of yours, we could always do with more people doing silly things for laughs. And of course, if you would like to see more articles like this, make sure that you like my Facebook page, or follow me on Twitter, using the associated buttons on the bar to the right so that you can read them, as they're posted. Regardless of what you do, I thank you for taking the time to read this, hope that you have/had an absolutely FANTASTIC day, and I will speak again tomorrow.

Peace out Homies. (That's how people sound on the internet right?)

Storytime Sunday - Why jumping off of things is a stupid idea

Hello and welcome to Storytime Sunday. The day where I tell you about the excessively stupid things I've done, so you don't have to.

Illustration may differ from actual occurrences

Last Sunday I spoke about some of my unintelligent misadventures as an aspiring parkour traceur. This Sunday, I'm talking about my unintelligent misadventures as a stereotypical, bored idiot...

Two years ago during my the amazing adventures of  myself and my good friend Jerome, (Or Canoe, as we occasionally call him.), we found ourselves at school over the mid-year holiday's for the years Major Production (read: play) practice typically held over that period. That years cast was particularly large and as such, there were often periods where parts of the cast did not necessarily need to be there. As such, myself and Mr Canoe were waiting up in the school hall's gallery. (That big place on the second floor where the Matrics usually get to sit.) I've got to say though... Boredom Kills!

This was another fine case of times when proper thought processes must have crashed and not had the opportunity to reboot in my head, since I found myself suffering under the unbearable urge to jump off the gallery. (Might I note that jumping off the second floor of most buildings is a very, very bad idea... Please don't do this...)

I'm fairly certain I will never forget the conversation that led up to the decision. Standing beside Jerome, I suddenly looked over the edge and stated "I'm going to jump off of here.". Wisely, his reply: "Don't." Too bad I simply repeated myself despite his better judgement. Now, Jerome may be my best friend, but I don't think I would have bothered past that to try and stop me either. So he simply said "O.K." and watched me be an idiot. (I got him back for this in other ways though, more on that another time. Teehee )

Climbing up onto the wall that separated the gallery from the slightly more than 6 foot drop to the floor below, I realized how frighteningly scary that height actually was... Did that deter me? Nope... It just made me decide to hang off the edge and drop down rather than jump. Did that help? Nope again... (Stupidity can be unassailable at times it would appear. I think I should start referring to myself as a professional idiot.)

So, in the space of a few seconds, I lowered my legs over the edge and slid slowly to the point where I was just gripping the edge with my fingers, still at no point thinking this was a bad idea. The way I saw it, as long as I landed correctly from the height I was now at, being somewhere about 5 feet off the ground, I would be fine. Of course, there's this thing called Murphy's Law. Knee's bent, landing on the balls of my feet, everything was going well until I realized my weight was too far back in my decent. This meant that I was suddenly falling backwards instead of dropping directly onto my legs. I landed with a hearty thump on my rump, much to the surprise of those in the area around me who immediately asked if I was okay. Which I was... at least until I tried to move. 

Having landed solidly on my behind, I had injured the muscles surrounding the lower few vertebrae of my spine. (In hindsight, I got off rather lightly in terms of injuries.) The pain wasn't unbearable, but I did walk around like I had a carrot stuck somewhere it shouldn't be for a couple days.

So from this experience, we can surmise two things. Darwinism is a legitimate theory because of people like me, and boredom/stupidity kills. (As well as putting the stupid things you do on the internet. If my old principal is reading this... Sorry. Hehe)

Anyways, I think that's enough from me for one day. Don't forget to leave a comment on how much of an idiot you think I am, or a suggestion on how to avoid bodily harm in the future, or maybe just share this with a friend who's prone to hurting themselves. And of course, as always, I hope you have an AWESOME day.

Walk in peace my friends. (and preferably with more intelligence than I typically display)

Storytime Sunday - Parkour and Muscle Damage

And it is time for the first ever... Storytime Sunday! Complete with memories of pain and stupidity and advisories to would-be Traceurs.

Ahh parkour, a much loved ex-hobby of mine. Before I continue, I would like to preface the particular story I'm about to tell, I should mention, as I've said a few times in the past, that I am an idiot and prone to stupidty occasionally. That said... lets begin.

For those of you who have yet to hear about Parkour (Or it's related, but actually different cousin, Free Running), it is something of a mindset and method of movement. To use a cliched style of speech, it's "A way of life." To describe it in a very simple and easy to understand way; Parkour is the basis of efficient movement. It's getting from place A to place B as quickly as possible. It's the "Through instead of around" argument. For comparisons sake, (and because I'm likely to get annoyed with you if you do a flip and call it Parkour), Free Running is something of an offshoot from Parkour. The objective with Free Running no longer being the fastest traversal of space, but the most stylish. Free Runners do flips and arbitrary movements that are visually appealing and obviously difficult to pull off, but the their objective is different. Anyways, now that you know what Parkour is, lets get back to how young people (AKA me) can be stupid and hurt themselves.

Once upon a time some young (well.... young-er) version of myself stumbled upon this wonderful new "sport" known as parkour. I say "sport" because it is not, in technicality, an competitive activity, but rather a method of movement. So being the bright and happy go lucky, devil may care lad that I was, I pulled on my track-pants and running shoes and went at it. As I'm sure you can guess, a relatively unfit and untrained person jumping and hanging off of things, or jumping off of them, is not a particularly safe nor intelligent thing to be doing. (In hindsight, at least I didn't jump off a building.)

This guy... is better than I was...

So where's the issue then you ask? Well, one day somewhere along my 11th grade I decided to hang off of some metal bars and was rebuffed by the searing pain of torn muscle in my left shoulder. Much to my luck, my injury was not especially serious to any degree, however it did serve as an effective wake up call to stop behaving like a brainless monkey hanging from metal trees (Nobody ever threw peanuts at me though...) The tear was not especially severe, although it hurt like hell, and while I still have full control of my arm in all capacities, I do have a patch of skin that is near completely dead to the touch over my shoulder blade. (oooh, Poke it!)

So what can I tell you that you should do if you would like to do Parkour. Well... I would say "Don't"... but that's crap, we both know Parkour is awesome. So what I will advise is that you don't just put on some sneakers and start climbing things. Joke's aside, it's a good way to hurt and even kill yourself as many a news report over the years has since told. (And I always say, if you're gonna kill yourself, do it with style. Splattered bodies are unsightly.)

Rather, go do some research. The internet is, I find, your friend in many a case. There are tons of resources on the internet to help you get on track towards becoming a Traceur (Or Free Runner) and taking part in this awesome activity. (Or breaking your face accidentally.)  Wikihow has tons of tutorials of varying quality on subjects such as this one on doing the Safety Roll: http://www.wikihow.com/Do-Parkour-Safety-Rolls
Please learn how to do the roll... Like... seriously. That can save your life.
Youtube also has a veritable mass of similarly themed tutorials as always for those like myself who need a bit more visual information to figure things out. 

And lastly, there are probably hundreds of Parkour and Free Running groups across the world who are more than willing to show newbies the ropes so they don't end up dead or maimed. Being a resident of South Africa, I know of the local group for my South African; ParkourSA, who maintain an active Facebook and Twitter following and regularly help would be runners in organizing to train with others. I highly recommend you check them out, either on their Facebook Page or by dropping them a Tweet on @ParkourSA. For my international readers, a quick Google will likely have you where you need to be in no time.

Anyways, hopefully you have been amused or educated by this lengthy lament about the necessity for research. Or at least become less likely to accidentally commit suicide.

Don't forget to leave a comment or suggestion and share this with anyone you think might injure themselves without this information.

Have an AWESOME day, and I bid you adieu.